Wow, i haven't been on here for a while. . . Not too much has really been going on here. But a lot's happened since the last time i blogged! I'll just share some of the stuff. May 6th, my life pretty much got turned around. Well... for a while before that date I just turned away from God. And in April I completely stopped even trying to read my Bible.
My sister kept on telling me that my life was at risk. But i didn't really pay much attention to her. After a while I began to do a 5 mile exercise dvd each day and i refused to eat. I began to just hate myself. Finally, May 6th I had piano lessons. And my piano teacher just stared at me when i walked in, and told me "You have absolutely no self-esteem. I'm getting really worried about you." It was right after I had a piano recital. I'm not exactly sure how I responded to that. But all the sudden she started bringing things out of the air, and i was amazed because it seemed she knew what i was doing and what was going on! She said "When i was younger I struggled all the time because of my weight. People called me "hips" and just said horrible things. All my siblings were skinnier than me! And i wanted to know why i was the fat one." She had tears in her eyes, and so did I. But she said "God loves you for who you are inside. Not because of your appearance. He wouldn't love you any more if you were skinnier. He would love you just the same. God made you like this, Don't you think it hurts Him to see you being so hard on yourself?" I shrugged. I didn't even open my piano book one time that day - we both just talked. It was funny, because just the other day my mom brought up the verse that God gave her when I was born: Zephaniah 3:17, and she told me another verse from Isaiah too. That day my piano teacher told me the exact same verses! and this wasn't planned or anything either! When i came back from the "lesson" i couldn't stop crying, but i turned my face hoping my sister wouldn't see me. Finally she asked "What's wrong?" and i just lied and said "Nothing." She just looked back at me and said "I know something's wrong, it has been for a long time. Come on tell me" I just started bawling and then i said "I can't. You just wouldn't understand." She just said "You can tell me, it's okay." Finally she stopped in the library parking lot and I spilled out everything. All the sudden she started to cry too! i asked her what was wrong with her and she's like: "I'm just thinking "why me? why me God?" Why do i have to be the one that everyone thinks is "perfect" why? I know he wants me to give myself up completely, but it's so hard!" I just looked at her and said, "That's why being a christian is so stupid. Everything is hard." she replied "It's worth it! Can't you understand?" Finally after talking for 1 or 2 hours I gave my life to Christ! My sister said she wasn't going to leave, even though she had worship practice, she didn't care if she would be late. She just wouldn't leave until I gave my life to Christ. And no, I didn't do it because I was forced to, I did it because i needed to. The second after I invited Him in, i felt totally relieved and new, and blameless. It was probably one of the best days of my life :)
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Wow, Sweetie, I jsut started crying while I was reading this, Congrats on being saved!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazingly beautiful awesome girl!
I understand completely what you were going through, Believe me, (if you read all my posts you have to believe me) it is hard, so hard, WE HAVE
to rely on Christ without Him life hurts too much,
it gets under our skin and makes us feel worthless, and it is hard to cope...Great thing for us that the Lord is there to release us from the pain...I am going to be praying for you!!!! You can come to me with anything you need to talk about OK?
You don't know me, but you follow my blog...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've had such a hard year, but I rejoice in knowing that Jesus has shown you his amazing love! I can tell that you want to serve Him, and I would like to pray for you. You are beautiful in God's eyes, so do not rely on what the world has to say. Jesus is an all-powerful comforter, so let Him wipe away your tears. :)